The "cocktail culture" is universal in all middle class and upper middle class enclaves of this country. So many of the kids feel that hard partying is the only way to "make your bones" for their future business/social lives. Just as long as weed remains illegal, everything will be o.k. (for the liquor business, that is). {Why does the software "bleep" enclaves?}
Sorry about that, elctown. The word filter was set to bleep out c-l-a-v anywhere it appeared, even in the middle of a word. Frankly, I'm not sure what that word refers to and am trying to research why we were blocking it. Regardless, we've just changed to filter to block it only as a standalone term, so "enclave" now should get through the filter. Again, apologies for the over aggressive filtering in this case.
The word filter is ridiculous because bleeped out words can be phonetically spelled or separated by hyphens, as you yourself demonstrate. The only words it should beep are of the four letter kind. But your so-called "aggressive" word filter bleeps out a lot of perfectly legitimate words that refer to illegal immigration, like [bleep] or a-n-c-h-o-r b-a-b-y. The reason you are aggressively bleeping enclave is because it is part of the phrase "ethnic enclave." Clearly, the CCTimes has decided to shut down all frank dicussion about i-m-m-i-g-r-a-t-i-o-n and how it is clearly responsible for California's current budget deficit. Immigrants pay less than 1 dollar in tax for every 11 they receive in services; and they jack up the crime rate, as we can empirically see on police logs and on this web site. Some estimates by economists put yearly California expendtures on illegals (mostly for Mexico) at somewhere between 8 billion and 38 billion a year (20% of the states budget!) Of course, CCTimes is not the least bit curious about all this and when citizens without special political influence bring up these points, your "agressive filter" shuts them down. After all that Democrats, public employees unions, ethnolobbyists, and race hustling community organizers have done to wreck California -- not to mention the US economy, since more than half of the dollars lost in the subprime mortgage meltdown were lost in this state because of loans made to uncredit worthy people without a down payment -- all I have to say to CCTimes with their word filter is "You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"
As to the point of the story, I blame the adults who own the home where the party was held. Put a group of teenagers together in a house without adult supervision to have a party and they will enact "Lord of the Flies" every time, unless all the kids are Eagle Scouts or Mormons.
Joe was more than some upper middle calss kid. Drinking was not the problem. He was not pressured or hazed in any way that made this happen to him, this is no one's fault, no one know's the cause of Joe's death, and at this point there is only media speculation. Joe was friends with the kid that was arrested they were team mates and played the same position in football. They were like brothers. So do us alkl a favor and just let him go in peace.
'Lamorinda Rugby facebook page. "We are some of the best rugby players in California. We are very very ridicously good looking. We also consume large amounts of alcohol after our games." ' Will those in your enclave be serving "large amounts" at the wake? Get a clue, and grow up.
Rugby had no part in what happened. it is pure media speculation. your sarcasm disgusts me, a young man lost his life. this is no time to be saying get a clue and grow up. show some respect for an amazing human person. good kids do stupid stuff sometimes. we all do. its part of life. no one is perfect. imagine what his family and friends are going through right now. i doubt joseph even took one look at that facebook page. its ridiculous that you base your view of him off of a facebook website. u sir, need to get a clue
I am sorry orindaman. I was not putting down this young man nor saying that rugby was at fault. I was tyring to convey that our society has a thing for glorifying those who can handle their liquor. Our children are so susceptible to these ideas. And, you are correct to accuse me of playing into the media spectulation. I am sure there were many factors that played a role. (And at what point does it become my business.) First and foremost, I feel greatly for his parents, friends and all of his athletic communities.
'... most orinda parents dont know how to parent? how can they make a difference when in doing so would make them hypocrites... most orinda parents are drunks, liars and/or fakes. teenagers will not listen to this so called "parenting" ', to quote a local.
Arresting someone is not going to do any good but bring more pain. Teenagers drink, always have and always will. Rich or poor it doesn't matter. All the education isn't going to change it. It comes down to individual choices. Thoughts and prayers for the family.
Wednesday, 5/27/2009 - 4:06 p.m. PDT — Arrests help
orindastunned
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 2
I used to be a real speed demon on the freeway. then I got a $450 ticket and my insurance rates went through the roof. I thought, stupid cop, what a stupid waste of time for the cops to do this. Still, now I drive 65.
We have to do something about over-the-top drinking. I speak from experience here, I've had my share, but it seems to me in the last 20 years it (excessive drinking) has gotten way, way out of hand. Too many stupid contests and test of bravado to drink too much, too fast, too often, and too young. It used to be, 'let's have a few beers to make it easier to have some laughs, have a good time'. Now, it's more like, 'let's drink solely to see how drunk we can get', and worse, 'let's see how drunk we can make so-and-so can get'. See the difference?
The risk of this happening at someone else's house may prevent it at some others', obviously not all, but if it also costs a bundle in legal fees to get the 18 year old out of this jam, that kind of news will reach a different segment of the population.
This is tragic. Let us assume that his death is the result of alcohol poisoning. Each person attending that party has had a hand in his death. When you see someone that intoxicated or headed that way you have a moral responsibillity to step in and say stop. I watched classmates in both H.S. and College drink to excess. You have to know when to say when. You can't change what has happened, but in the future watch out for your friends, that is what being a good friend is all about. I also have to say that it is no wonder our kids get into trouble with alcohol, when the adults in our community don't always demonstrate the most adult behavior. I attended a Miramonte fundraiser a few weeks back and was appalled at how drunk some of the parents were.
This community also shields it's kids from the consequences of underage drinking. All the athletes drinking at that party should be removed from their respective teams for the remainder of the year.
I am saddened for the entire community and for our children. Life has lost it's innocence for those able return to school on Tuesday. This is minor compared to the loss experienced by his family, especially his 7th grade brother.
it makes sense that you are not miramonte administration. you would fail at your job if this were the case. take the kids that were there off of their respective teams and you create more time on their hands to do things like consume alcohol. joseph and patrick gabrielli were good friends. played the same sport and trusted one another like brothers. u seek to punish the kids in order to get a positive response. all you will receive from this is a negative response. an act of rebellion. and as sad as it may seem, no one is truly accountable for joseph's death but himself. you cannot put the blame on everyone else. people can be held accountable but joseph ultimately decided to consume the alcohol. what do u seek to achieve by removing the students from their sports teams?
Suspension from the teams accomplishes the following. When student athletes in this community sign up to participate in a sport, they sign a code of conduct that states they will not drink, full stop. It doesn't say they won't drink at school, prom, etc. It states they will not drink. Failure to enforce this Code of Conduct, far outweighs the danger of giving kids a little more time on their hands. It says to them for a lifetime, "Don't worry about that contract you just signed or oath you just took or vow you just made. Go ahead do whatever you want, and only think about yourself." Participating in school activities is a privilege, it is not a right. An as for the extra time on their hand, that is where parenting comes in. It may interfere with the parents tennis, time at Oakwood, and other social obligations but this is where a parent needs to support and encourage enforcement of school policy to teach their children that there are consequences to their actions, that life is about choices and son/daughter it is important that you live a responsible law abiding life. I acknowledge that our drinking laws are ineffective and don't allow for young people to learn to drink responsibly but you can't pick and choose what laws you obey.
how can parenting help when most orinda parents dont know how to parent? how can they make a difference when in doing so would make them hypocrites... most orinda parents are drunks, liars and/or fakes. teenagers will not listen to this so called "parenting"
wow good insight from both of you orindaman and orindadad. yes too much drinking and partying by the parents here. you'd think they grew up 'spoiled', too. I'm in favor of the police helping the parents to learn parenting. my kids are early teens, and as I've seen them grow and change over the last couple years, I'd never leave them alone at home for the weekend like that. too risky. and they are 'good kids', but you never know. peer pressure and all that. what about the neighbors? please, feel free to 'butt in'. I think its pretty obvious when a big party is going on next door. call the cops. I think they are on the right track. at least its a strong message to other parents around here - 'yes, you are responsible for what happens at your house'. even though they arrested the 18 year old son, I would think the arrest adds to the parents remorse. maybe that's the only way to get through to the parents here. sorry if its misguided in this case, I don't have all the facts, but at least it's a strong reminder to those that need one. my sincere condolences to everyone involved, especially to the kids out there who find it necessary to self-destruct just to fit in.
Below is the description listed under the Lamorinda Rugby facebook page.
"We are some of the best rugby players in California. We are very very ridicously good looking. We also consume large amounts of alcohol after our games."
This "alcohol bragging" isn't unique to Lamorinda Rugby. So, why is having the ability to drink heavily so glamorous?
This story is very sad and hits too close to home for me. I have two teenagers and even after all my careful parenting, I wonder if they hear me when I beg them to stay away from guns, gangs, drugs and alcohol. Teenagers think they are so tough, but they are really quite vulnerable. Even one drink can impair judgment and cause permanent harm. My condolences to the family.
Alcohol kills. We see it over and over again. When society catches up with science, we will have AOD (alcohol and other drug) education starting at the earliest ages; medicine will include a specialization on AOD misuse; no shame will accompany AOD misuse because its biological basis will be understood and addressed.
This new world will lessen the likelihood of unnecessary tragedies like the heartbreaking death of Joe Loudon because the horrifically serious nature of AOD misuse will be common and accepted knowledge.
If there were parents at this party, why weren't they arrested? Every time one of our children is killed as a result of alcohol consumption why are the parents not held responsible? Are the police afraid to challenge the parents when it comes to alcohol? This is another terrible tragedy in Lamorinda. Maybe many parents are as irresponsible about drugs and alcohol as their teenagers. Maybe the parents do not make a connection with alcohol/drugs any more than the kids do. I have lived in Moraga a very long time and have yet to hear of parents being held accountable for teenage consumption.
The myth of invulnerability is so strong. One family loses their child, the others are forever damaged by the behavior of their teen. The parents will be sued and the DA will go after the parents where the party was held. Tragic, senseless behavior on the part of many.
They arrest the 18 year old that gave him the alcohol, but where did the 18 year old get it? Last I checked, you have to be 21 to purchase alcohol. I'm sure the police are following up on it, as there is an adult out there that should also be held accountable in the chain of commerce.
This is a tragic event that has affected this whole community. It is time all teachers, administrators, parents, and teens should stop and reflect--on how our community and parent focus on one party after another ( including grad night- which should be halted at least at Miramonte- as a night of mourning) this focus has led children to believe that life is about creating a bigger, better, party- starts young- the Q-zar, the "paint ball party" the "grad night"--each parent topping the other and next event each year- time to bring back the focus on "getting jobs" and "doing chores" and "reality"- life is not a BIG party and this event has reminded us all
How quick we are to cast stones. It is so easy to speculate. We have all heard teen parties and not called in a problem until we were trying to get to sleep. We have all been reluctant to call because they will find out it was "us" who called. We have all exercised poor judgement and are still living to talk about what poor judgement we exercised. Many of our teens have been a 1/4 inch away from experiencing a situation where someone could have been hurt, hurt someone else, or killed. These are families in mourning. It is not our place to speculate about what happened or to fuel rumors. Parents should be held responsible? How many parties have occurred at homes where NO ONE is home? It is easy to sit in judgement and say "I would never" - leave my kids alone all night, never serve alcohol to minors, never never never. Haven't many of you served alcohol to an adult who was the life of the party and although you didn't think they should drive - let them? What if they killed your loved one. How different is it really. How many times have you witnessed a sobriety check at the holidays and thought - that could be me. Orinda parents aren't anymore "a bunch of drunks" than adults in any other community - it is just more fun to make fun of them - and I don't live there. It is not our place to sit in judgement. People make choices - when young people make bad choices, the consequences often are extremely tragic. These families are grieving. These boys and families were friends. Both families and most all families have counseled their teens and young adults about alcohol. They don't need more alcohol counseling. They need open conversation and communication - daily, weekly and forever on what is happening in their lives and how to deal with what happens. Open your hearts as well as your ears and mouths. Let us be positive role models and influences, and non of us are perfect. Look around, I drove by at least 2 parties beginning at 7 p.m. tonight - Moraga and Lafayette. I made my phone calls, but there are never any guarantees. God Bless our police, firefighters and paramedics how difficult it must be for them whenever they are on scene of any tragedy related to alcohol or drugs, no matter the age of the person in trouble.
Although I take issue (minor) with a couple of your points, you state the obvious to the torch carrying mob looking to kill Orinda's "Frankenstein", whoever they consider the monster to be responsible for this tragedy. This IS a tragedy and although blame will be ultimately placed on someone, I know I took the time to illustrate to my sixteen year old son the very real dangers of alcohol.
I hope he remembers this tragedy when faced with the pressure to drink from his peers on that night his mother and I KNOW will inevitably come, no matter how well we try to shield him from it. How do I know it will happen to him if I'm doing such a great job of shielding him from it? Well, it happened to me and I KNOW my parents tried like nobody's business to shield me from it. If kids want to do something they're not supposed to do, they will find ways to do so. I know I did!
It's a shame this poor child made some poor choices that fateful night. My prayers to the family and loved ones he leaves behind.
Posted on Sunday, 5/24/2009 - 11:09 a.m. PDT — by cocoparent
Joined: Feb 2008
Current Posts: 251
The "cocktail culture" is universal in all middle class and upper middle class enclaves of this country. So many of the kids feel that hard partying is the only way to "make your bones" for their future business/social lives. Just as long as weed remains illegal, everything will be o.k. (for the liquor business, that is). {Why does the software "bleep" enclaves?}
Joined: Mar 2007
Current Posts: 91
Sorry about that, elctown. The word filter was set to bleep out c-l-a-v anywhere it appeared, even in the middle of a word. Frankly, I'm not sure what that word refers to and am trying to research why we were blocking it. Regardless, we've just changed to filter to block it only as a standalone term, so "enclave" now should get through the filter. Again, apologies for the over aggressive filtering in this case.
Joined: May 2008
Current Posts: 328
The word filter is ridiculous because bleeped out words can be phonetically spelled or separated by hyphens, as you yourself demonstrate. The only words it should beep are of the four letter kind. But your so-called "aggressive" word filter bleeps out a lot of perfectly legitimate words that refer to illegal immigration, like [bleep] or a-n-c-h-o-r b-a-b-y. The reason you are aggressively bleeping enclave is because it is part of the phrase "ethnic enclave." Clearly, the CCTimes has decided to shut down all frank dicussion about i-m-m-i-g-r-a-t-i-o-n and how it is clearly responsible for California's current budget deficit. Immigrants pay less than 1 dollar in tax for every 11 they receive in services; and they jack up the crime rate, as we can empirically see on police logs and on this web site. Some estimates by economists put yearly California expendtures on illegals (mostly for Mexico) at somewhere between 8 billion and 38 billion a year (20% of the states budget!) Of course, CCTimes is not the least bit curious about all this and when citizens without special political influence bring up these points, your "agressive filter" shuts them down. After all that Democrats, public employees unions, ethnolobbyists, and race hustling community organizers have done to wreck California -- not to mention the US economy, since more than half of the dollars lost in the subprime mortgage meltdown were lost in this state because of loans made to uncredit worthy people without a down payment -- all I have to say to CCTimes with their word filter is "You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"
As to the point of the story, I blame the adults who own the home where the party was held. Put a group of teenagers together in a house without adult supervision to have a party and they will enact "Lord of the Flies" every time, unless all the kids are Eagle Scouts or Mormons.
Joined: Nov 2008
Current Posts: 132
are you kidding? Eagle scouts and any religious group have some of the worst offenders themselves! I know plenty.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 1
Joe was more than some upper middle calss kid. Drinking was not the problem. He was not pressured or hazed in any way that made this happen to him, this is no one's fault, no one know's the cause of Joe's death, and at this point there is only media speculation. Joe was friends with the kid that was arrested they were team mates and played the same position in football. They were like brothers. So do us alkl a favor and just let him go in peace.
Joined: Feb 2008
Current Posts: 251
'Lamorinda Rugby facebook page. "We are some of the best rugby players in California. We are very very ridicously good looking. We also consume large amounts of alcohol after our games." ' Will those in your enclave be serving "large amounts" at the wake? Get a clue, and grow up.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 3
Rugby had no part in what happened. it is pure media speculation. your sarcasm disgusts me, a young man lost his life. this is no time to be saying get a clue and grow up. show some respect for an amazing human person. good kids do stupid stuff sometimes. we all do. its part of life. no one is perfect. imagine what his family and friends are going through right now. i doubt joseph even took one look at that facebook page. its ridiculous that you base your view of him off of a facebook website. u sir, need to get a clue
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 2
I am sorry orindaman. I was not putting down this young man nor saying that rugby was at fault. I was tyring to convey that our society has a thing for glorifying those who can handle their liquor. Our children are so susceptible to these ideas. And, you are correct to accuse me of playing into the media spectulation. I am sure there were many factors that played a role. (And at what point does it become my business.) First and foremost, I feel greatly for his parents, friends and all of his athletic communities.
Joined: Feb 2008
Current Posts: 251
'... most orinda parents dont know how to parent? how can they make a difference when in doing so would make them hypocrites... most orinda parents are drunks, liars and/or fakes. teenagers will not listen to this so called "parenting" ', to quote a local.
Joined: Jul 2008
Current Posts: 12
Arresting someone is not going to do any good but bring more pain. Teenagers drink, always have and always will. Rich or poor it doesn't matter. All the education isn't going to change it. It comes down to individual choices. Thoughts and prayers for the family.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 2
I used to be a real speed demon on the freeway. then I got a $450 ticket and my insurance rates went through the roof. I thought, stupid cop, what a stupid waste of time for the cops to do this. Still, now I drive 65.
We have to do something about over-the-top drinking. I speak from experience here, I've had my share, but it seems to me in the last 20 years it (excessive drinking) has gotten way, way out of hand. Too many stupid contests and test of bravado to drink too much, too fast, too often, and too young. It used to be, 'let's have a few beers to make it easier to have some laughs, have a good time'. Now, it's more like, 'let's drink solely to see how drunk we can get', and worse, 'let's see how drunk we can make so-and-so can get'. See the difference?
The risk of this happening at someone else's house may prevent it at some others', obviously not all, but if it also costs a bundle in legal fees to get the 18 year old out of this jam, that kind of news will reach a different segment of the population.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 2
This is tragic. Let us assume that his death is the result of alcohol poisoning. Each person attending that party has had a hand in his death. When you see someone that intoxicated or headed that way you have a moral responsibillity to step in and say stop. I watched classmates in both H.S. and College drink to excess. You have to know when to say when. You can't change what has happened, but in the future watch out for your friends, that is what being a good friend is all about. I also have to say that it is no wonder our kids get into trouble with alcohol, when the adults in our community don't always demonstrate the most adult behavior. I attended a Miramonte fundraiser a few weeks back and was appalled at how drunk some of the parents were.
This community also shields it's kids from the consequences of underage drinking. All the athletes drinking at that party should be removed from their respective teams for the remainder of the year.
I am saddened for the entire community and for our children. Life has lost it's innocence for those able return to school on Tuesday. This is minor compared to the loss experienced by his family, especially his 7th grade brother.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 3
orindad,
it makes sense that you are not miramonte administration. you would fail at your job if this were the case. take the kids that were there off of their respective teams and you create more time on their hands to do things like consume alcohol. joseph and patrick gabrielli were good friends. played the same sport and trusted one another like brothers. u seek to punish the kids in order to get a positive response. all you will receive from this is a negative response. an act of rebellion. and as sad as it may seem, no one is truly accountable for joseph's death but himself. you cannot put the blame on everyone else. people can be held accountable but joseph ultimately decided to consume the alcohol. what do u seek to achieve by removing the students from their sports teams?
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 2
Suspension from the teams accomplishes the following. When student athletes in this community sign up to participate in a sport, they sign a code of conduct that states they will not drink, full stop. It doesn't say they won't drink at school, prom, etc. It states they will not drink. Failure to enforce this Code of Conduct, far outweighs the danger of giving kids a little more time on their hands. It says to them for a lifetime, "Don't worry about that contract you just signed or oath you just took or vow you just made. Go ahead do whatever you want, and only think about yourself." Participating in school activities is a privilege, it is not a right. An as for the extra time on their hand, that is where parenting comes in. It may interfere with the parents tennis, time at Oakwood, and other social obligations but this is where a parent needs to support and encourage enforcement of school policy to teach their children that there are consequences to their actions, that life is about choices and son/daughter it is important that you live a responsible law abiding life. I acknowledge that our drinking laws are ineffective and don't allow for young people to learn to drink responsibly but you can't pick and choose what laws you obey.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 3
orindadad,
how can parenting help when most orinda parents dont know how to parent? how can they make a difference when in doing so would make them hypocrites... most orinda parents are drunks, liars and/or fakes. teenagers will not listen to this so called "parenting"
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 2
wow good insight from both of you orindaman and orindadad. yes too much drinking and partying by the parents here. you'd think they grew up 'spoiled', too. I'm in favor of the police helping the parents to learn parenting. my kids are early teens, and as I've seen them grow and change over the last couple years, I'd never leave them alone at home for the weekend like that. too risky. and they are 'good kids', but you never know. peer pressure and all that. what about the neighbors? please, feel free to 'butt in'. I think its pretty obvious when a big party is going on next door. call the cops. I think they are on the right track. at least its a strong message to other parents around here - 'yes, you are responsible for what happens at your house'. even though they arrested the 18 year old son, I would think the arrest adds to the parents remorse. maybe that's the only way to get through to the parents here. sorry if its misguided in this case, I don't have all the facts, but at least it's a strong reminder to those that need one. my sincere condolences to everyone involved, especially to the kids out there who find it necessary to self-destruct just to fit in.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 2
Below is the description listed under the Lamorinda Rugby facebook page. "We are some of the best rugby players in California. We are very very ridicously good looking. We also consume large amounts of alcohol after our games." This "alcohol bragging" isn't unique to Lamorinda Rugby. So, why is having the ability to drink heavily so glamorous?
Joined: Sep 2008
Current Posts: 9
This story is very sad and hits too close to home for me. I have two teenagers and even after all my careful parenting, I wonder if they hear me when I beg them to stay away from guns, gangs, drugs and alcohol. Teenagers think they are so tough, but they are really quite vulnerable. Even one drink can impair judgment and cause permanent harm. My condolences to the family.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 1
Alcohol kills. We see it over and over again. When society catches up with science, we will have AOD (alcohol and other drug) education starting at the earliest ages; medicine will include a specialization on AOD misuse; no shame will accompany AOD misuse because its biological basis will be understood and addressed.
This new world will lessen the likelihood of unnecessary tragedies like the heartbreaking death of Joe Loudon because the horrifically serious nature of AOD misuse will be common and accepted knowledge.
Joined: Feb 2008
Current Posts: 2
If there were parents at this party, why weren't they arrested? Every time one of our children is killed as a result of alcohol consumption why are the parents not held responsible? Are the police afraid to challenge the parents when it comes to alcohol? This is another terrible tragedy in Lamorinda. Maybe many parents are as irresponsible about drugs and alcohol as their teenagers. Maybe the parents do not make a connection with alcohol/drugs any more than the kids do. I have lived in Moraga a very long time and have yet to hear of parents being held accountable for teenage consumption.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 5
The myth of invulnerability is so strong. One family loses their child, the others are forever damaged by the behavior of their teen. The parents will be sued and the DA will go after the parents where the party was held. Tragic, senseless behavior on the part of many.
Joined: Sep 2006
Current Posts: 3048
They arrest the 18 year old that gave him the alcohol, but where did the 18 year old get it? Last I checked, you have to be 21 to purchase alcohol. I'm sure the police are following up on it, as there is an adult out there that should also be held accountable in the chain of commerce.
Joined: Oct 2008
Current Posts: 25
• Was the party localized at one address?
• Where were the parents / owners of the location(s) of the party?
• Had any neighbors or parents enquired as to the “students were believed to have been drinking heavily at the party”?
• Were authorities notified prior to the call that the deceased was “drunk and unresponsive” and did they respond?
• And why was the deceased transported to Kaiser rather than John Muir (the regional trauma center)?
• If he was already deceased, why wasn’t the coroner called to the scene?
• Why was only one of the “partyers (sic)” arrested?
My thoughts and condolences go the family and the entire community.
Joined: May 2009
Current Posts: 1
This is a tragic event that has affected this whole community. It is time all teachers, administrators, parents, and teens should stop and reflect--on how our community and parent focus on one party after another ( including grad night- which should be halted at least at Miramonte- as a night of mourning) this focus has led children to believe that life is about creating a bigger, better, party- starts young- the Q-zar, the "paint ball party" the "grad night"--each parent topping the other and next event each year- time to bring back the focus on "getting jobs" and "doing chores" and "reality"- life is not a BIG party and this event has reminded us all
Joined: May 2007
Current Posts: 5
mudville
How quick we are to cast stones. It is so easy to speculate. We have all heard teen parties and not called in a problem until we were trying to get to sleep. We have all been reluctant to call because they will find out it was "us" who called. We have all exercised poor judgement and are still living to talk about what poor judgement we exercised. Many of our teens have been a 1/4 inch away from experiencing a situation where someone could have been hurt, hurt someone else, or killed. These are families in mourning. It is not our place to speculate about what happened or to fuel rumors. Parents should be held responsible? How many parties have occurred at homes where NO ONE is home? It is easy to sit in judgement and say "I would never" - leave my kids alone all night, never serve alcohol to minors, never never never. Haven't many of you served alcohol to an adult who was the life of the party and although you didn't think they should drive - let them? What if they killed your loved one. How different is it really. How many times have you witnessed a sobriety check at the holidays and thought - that could be me. Orinda parents aren't anymore "a bunch of drunks" than adults in any other community - it is just more fun to make fun of them - and I don't live there. It is not our place to sit in judgement. People make choices - when young people make bad choices, the consequences often are extremely tragic. These families are grieving. These boys and families were friends. Both families and most all families have counseled their teens and young adults about alcohol. They don't need more alcohol counseling. They need open conversation and communication - daily, weekly and forever on what is happening in their lives and how to deal with what happens. Open your hearts as well as your ears and mouths. Let us be positive role models and influences, and non of us are perfect. Look around, I drove by at least 2 parties beginning at 7 p.m. tonight - Moraga and Lafayette. I made my phone calls, but there are never any guarantees. God Bless our police, firefighters and paramedics how difficult it must be for them whenever they are on scene of any tragedy related to alcohol or drugs, no matter the age of the person in trouble.
Joined: May 2006
Current Posts: 166
Although I take issue (minor) with a couple of your points, you state the obvious to the torch carrying mob looking to kill Orinda's "Frankenstein", whoever they consider the monster to be responsible for this tragedy. This IS a tragedy and although blame will be ultimately placed on someone, I know I took the time to illustrate to my sixteen year old son the very real dangers of alcohol.
I hope he remembers this tragedy when faced with the pressure to drink from his peers on that night his mother and I KNOW will inevitably come, no matter how well we try to shield him from it. How do I know it will happen to him if I'm doing such a great job of shielding him from it? Well, it happened to me and I KNOW my parents tried like nobody's business to shield me from it. If kids want to do something they're not supposed to do, they will find ways to do so. I know I did!
It's a shame this poor child made some poor choices that fateful night. My prayers to the family and loved ones he leaves behind.